Because resiliency is about skills you can always get stronger and better at bouncing back from tough situations. Like now, for example. Even in the middle of a pandemic you can build your resiliency skills.
One of the biggest things you can do right now is commit yourself to embracing those three phrases. Remember the fourth part of resiliency is your self concept as a resilient person. So how do you do that? You try saying that you are lovable, capable and can handle whatever life throws your way. You don’t have to believe it just yet but you can say it and let yourself imagine what it would be like to believe it. Imagining it is the first step to actually doing it.
When you imagine it where do you feel the edges? If you say it out loud, where do you feel the discomfort? Where do you feel most vulnerable? Where do you catch your inner critic piping up with all the reasons those phrases aren’t true? There you go. That’s where you need to bring the work.
Most of us do one of two things: We ignore where we need to grow because it scares us; or we see nothing but our need to grow and become overwhelmed.
There is a happy medium.
The edges are where you get to grow. The resistance is the point. Just stretching out and feeling those edges, that is progress.
All of us have room to grow because that’s what it is to be human. Growing is what we’re built to do so there is no finish line; there’s just opportunity. As far as overwhelm goes, we don’t need to be any further along than where we are. The edges are where we are meant to grow and there will always be edges.
I remember when I was working in shelter and I’d get a particularly difficult client and I would go whine to my boss about how hard this client was and she’d say, “What an opportunity for growth!” And I’d say, “But Susan! I’m tired of growing!” And she’d say, “Better grow now because she’s just going to keep coming back until you learn what you need to learn about it.”
She was right. Life will keep handing us the same lessons until we learn what we need to learn and then there will be new lessons. Such is life. Resiliency is about getting better at facing the challenges and learning the process of growth. That’s the bouncing back of it.
I’d love to hear from you. Where do you feel the discomfort in your resiliency skills? Which statement is the hardest for you to say out loud?