Tolerance isn’t always healthy

If you’ve had a complicated childhood chances are you’ve been told you’re too sensitive. Maybe you’ve been called a worry wart, a crybaby, impossible, annoying or been told, “I’ll give you something to cry about!” You may have learned how to swallow your hiccoughing tears, ignore your terror. Maybe even now as an adult you […]

Gimme Gimme Gimme

I have been thinking lately about scarcity and how it drives hunger.

Bad Mouthing Your Parents

Sometimes when we start talking about family patterns of dysfunction, people start getting nervous. They’re afraid to bad mouth their parents, even in private, even to a single person bound to confidentially legally and ethically.

Uniting in Negativity

In dysfunctional families parents want to keep the children small to keep them safe or so they can continue to feel powerful.

My Inner Critic

My original plan was to write You Are Not Your Mother as a book and last year I committed to it by going to a writing retreat led by Jen Louden (author of The Woman’s Comfort Book and most recently, Why Bother). The retreat was fantastic, Jen is incandescent and I learned a lot (plus […]

Outsized Reaction

Having a bigger reaction than a situation warrants or a reaction that seems somehow disconnected from the reality of a situation means something else is going on.

Estrangement Runs in My Family

I grew up with estrangement. My mom periodically was not speaking to her mom or to this sibling or that. My grandmother was periodically estranged from family members. And now I am estranged from my mom. Estrangement is not uncommon in families rooted in trauma. There is an “us vs. them” mentality that comes with […]

The Thing About Forgiveness

We hear a lot about forgiveness and how good it is for you spiritually and emotionally and that’s all true but forgiveness is a thing that can’t be rushed. Selling people on the merits of forgiveness when they’re right in the middle of their struggle is a little like telling someone who has just had […]