As clients we’re vulnerable. It’s on my mind right now because yesterday I met with a colleague and we discussed a couple of situations where a therapist said, “If you don’t do X than Y and Z will happen.” As in, “If you don’t make these changes I recommend, you will get divorced.” Or, “If you continue to allow your […]
When I brought my newborn baby son home from the hospital we had a broken TV; it took at least 30 minutes to warm up. I was sleeping out on the futon in the living room of our tiny one bedroom apartment and I was leaving the television on all night, muted, so that when the […]
Intrusive thoughts are the unwelcome, uninvited ugly thoughts that skitter through our heads now and then. Everyone has them. Think about a time when you stood on a balcony and thought, “What if I jump?” That’s an intrusive thought. (Note: Other than this example I won’t be listing other intrusive thoughts because folks who are […]
Anxiety loves to tell lies. Anxiety likes to stand behind you and reinterpret the world in a negative way. Someone tells you that they like your shirt? Anxiety whispers in your ear, “They just feel bad for you leaving the house looking like that.” Anxiety blows it all up and makes everything worse. Anxiety is […]
So many of us have internalized the idea that if we want something or if we need something it is, by definition, unnecessary. If we want it, it must be superfluous, right? Or maybe we are trying to win points (with who? our partner? our kids? the universe?) for denying ourselves so that we will be rewarded […]
Once upon a time there was a nice person who worried about being a nice person. And this person wanted cake.
One of the things that gets in the way of developing core resiliency in emotional regulation is not knowing how in the heck we actually feel.
I’ve been thinking about many of us got the message from our families that we are way too much. I think about this as a parent because I sometimes become overwhelmed when my kids are especially needy (and aren’t they always needy when we’re feeling extra needy ourselves?) and one more tearful episode threatens to push […]
Because resiliency is about skills you can always get stronger and better at bouncing back from tough situations.
A resilient self concept tells us that we are loved, capable, and can handle it.