So many of us have internalized the idea that if we want something or if we need something it is, by definition, unnecessary. If we want it, it must be superfluous, right? Or maybe we are trying to win points (with who? our partner? our kids? the universe?) for denying ourselves so that we will be rewarded like some heroine in a Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale.
It’s this weird circular logic: I want it therefore I don’t deserve it. I need it, which means I should do without.
For women particularly there is such a strong message that we must be self-sacrificing. And for mothers, oh golly, it’s all about how much we give away without complaining.
This hit home for me when I was a kid and there was this Family Circus comic strip (I tried to find it to link to but I can’t find it). One of the big kids is holding an ice cream and stand